Thursday, February 7, 2008

The REAL Grammy Awards

OK well this is my first ever blog post, so if anyone in the universe actually reads this, please forgive me for my blogging ignorance. Even setting up this simple template seemed to be somewhat of a chore for my technologically-challenged self. But...here we go.

The Grammy Awards are this Sunday. As someone who has always had a passion for music and an interest in the music business, I have watched all or part of the Grammy broadcast every year since I can remember. This Sunday, that will change. I am boycotting the 2008 ceremony. I know the music industry is going to be extremely upset at this revelation. Hell, they may even sue me, as that seems to be the standard response to everything that transpires in music nowadays. I could make this blog post a rant about the industry in general, but I'll save that for another day. My point here is that the Grammy Awards have become a cosmic joke. The Grammy voters are caught somewhere in between trying to be hip and relevant, trying to fall in lockstep with the consensus of music critics and their collection of year-end best lists and trying to pay homage to the elder statesmen of the industry - mostly to make amends for not honoring them during their prime. The result is a mish-mosh of which no one can really make sense. If you're telling me that "Rehab" by Amy Whine-house (get it?) is one of the top five best-written songs of the entire year, then I think I am going to move to Alaska and listen to nothing but recordings of whale farts for the rest of my life.

This post is going to focus on the REAL Grammy Awards...the ones being handed out in the ceremony in my mind. I'm sure a lot of music listeners have pondered to whom they would bestow these honors upon if they were in charge. Because I am a giant nerd, I actually wrote my choices down and am going to share them with you (the hypothetical readers of this blog). I have to admit that my musical tastes seem to be completely divergent with anyone else's on the planet. I don't expect anyone to agree with my choices, but maybe you'll feel compelled to at least check out a few of them if you haven't heard them before. A lot of the music I listen to is not commercially successful, so I'm giving those lesser-known artists a shot where the music industry has failed to do so. It's OK if you're on my list and can't make it to my house to accept your award. I'll gladly accept it on your behalf. Just brag to all your musician friends that you won something at the 1st Annual Jeremy Grammy's (Jerammy's?). So, here are the nominees, with my selection for the winner in red, in each of the categories that I know anything about. I'll leave Rap, Country, Folk, etc. to the experts in those fields. Note: not all of my categories are limited to the standard five nominees. With the thousands of songs that are released each year, I figured I'd give myself some leeway.

Record of the Year
A Fine Frenzy – Almost Lover
Bon Jovi – (You Want to) Make a Memory
Evanescence – Call Me When You’re Sober
Fountains of Wayne – Someone to Love
Crowded House – Don’t Stop Now
Josh Groban – You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up)
Suzie McNeil – Hung Up
Pat Monahan – Her Eyes
Puddle Of Mudd – Psycho
Disturbed – Land of Confusion

(Hands down, the one song I could not get out of my head since it's release)

Song of the Year
Foo Fighters – Long Road to Ruin
A Fine Frenzy – Almost Lover
Bon Jovi – (You Want to) Make a Memory
Dan Wilson – Breathless
Fountains of Wayne – Someone to Love

(Another clear choice...just an outstanding and true emotional combination of melody and lyrics)

Album of the Year
Lifehouse – Who We Are
Crowded House – Time On Earth
Buckcherry – 15
Suzie McNeil – Broken & Beautiful
Pat Monahan – Last of Seven
Europe – Secret Society

(This was tough to narrow down to one winner. McNeil gets my vote mostly because of how shocked I was at how much I liked an album from a Rock Star: INXS contestant!)

New Artist
Dan Wilson
Daughtry
Suzie McNeil
Pat Monahan
Cinder Road
A Fine Frenzy
The Alternate Routes

(In the long run, Wilson and Monahan are probably the most talented of the bunch, but McNeil's standout vocal performance on her album and any live performance of hers you might find floating around vaults her to the top - hope she doesn't succumb to the dreaded New Artist jinx!)

Male Pop Vocal
Josh Groban – February Song
Mika – Erase
Dan Wilson – Breathless
Pat Monahan – Her Eyes
Eddie Vedder – Hard Sun

(Astonishingly, the Grammy voters never seem to comprehend that the name of this category implies that the nominees and eventual winner need to have VOCAL talent - Groban is not my favorite artist, but when it's purely about the voice, these others don't stand up)

Female Pop Vocal
Suzie McNeil – Believe
Avril Lavigne – Keep Holding On
Michelle Featherstone – I’ll Be There
Pink – Who Knew
KT Tunstall – Other Side of the World

(See previous comments)

Pop Performance by a Duo or Group w/ Vocals
Poison – I Never Cry
Bon Jovi – (You Want to) Make a Memory
Daughtry – Home
I Nine – Seven Days of Lonely
A Fine Frenzy – Almost Lover

(See comments re: Song of the Year)

Pop Vocal Album
Suzie McNeil – Broken & Beautiful
Pat Monahan – Last of Seven
Lifehouse – Who We Are
Crowded House – Time On Earth
Bon Jovi – Lost Highway
Collective Soul – Afterwords

(Another fault of logic to which the Grammy voters sometimes fall victim - nominating an artist in one of the "major" categories, but then not giving them the win in the genre-specific categories over other artists who weren't even good enough to grab a nomination in the majors - if McNeil wins overall Album of the Year, then obviously she gets this one too)

Solo Rock Vocal Performance
Suzie McNeil – Hung Up
Jesse Malin – Prisoners of Paradise
Eddie Vedder – Hard Sun
Paul McCartney – Only Mama Knows
Ozzy Osbourne – I Don’t Wanna Stop

(Rack 'em up Suzie! Again, it's called VOCAL PERFORMANCE people...it's about the pure vocals)

Rock Performance by a Duo or Group w/ Vocals
Puddle Of Mudd – Psycho
Disturbed – Land of Confusion
Evanescence – Call Me When You’re Sober
Europe – Always the Pretenders
Buckcherry – Next 2 You
Foo Fighters – Long Road to Ruin
Iron Maiden – Different World

(If you like rock, and you don't like this song, you ARE psycho!)

Rock Song
Foo Fighters – Long Road to Ruin
Evanescence – Call Me When You’re Sober
Jesse Malin – Prisoners of Paradise
Bad Religion – Honest Goodbye
Iron Maiden – Different World

(Again, paying attention to the name of the category, from a songwriting standpoint, Grohl and Company deserve this one)

Rock Album
Buckcherry – 15
Foo Fighters – Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Puddle of Mudd – Famous
Saliva – Blood Stained Love Story
Europe – Secret Society
Cinder Road - Superhuman

(What a comeback story! It was hard not to give them the win for overall Album of the Year. Simply an amazing CD from beginning to end)

Song Written for a Motion Picture
Rob Thomas – Little Wonders
Avril Lavigne – Keep Holding On
Eddie Vedder – Hard Sun

(I'll admit that I don't really know enough about songs from movies to have done this category justice. But I'm not really into the more quirky selections like the Moldy Peaches from "Juno." But I do love Ellen Page...sorry Ellen!)

Worst Song
The Sweet Escape – Gwen Stefani
Big Girls Don’t Cry – Fergie
This is Why I’m Hot – Mims
Rockstar – Nickelback
What Goes Around…Comes Around – Justin Timberlake
Waiting On the World to Change – John Mayer
Lost Without U – Robin Thicke

Bubbly – Colby Caillat
Rehab – Amy Winehouse
Snow (Hey Oh) – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Apologize – OneRepublic
Ladies & Gentlemen – Saliva
Sillyworld – Stone Sour
Alcohaulin’ Ass – Hellyeah

1234 – Feist

(OK, so I made up my own category...there are so many bad songs released every year, I felt we needed this one. So sorry Fergie and Fergie fans...this is simply one of the most God-awful songs ever written in the history of sound. The other ones were bad, but this was the easiest choice of any of the categories.)

I know my first blog post ever was really a thousand times longer than it should be, but hey, it's not anywhere near as long as the actual Grammy broadcast! I tried to be all fancy and add a poll to let you vote on the Record of the Year, but in my tech-stupidity, I couldn't figure out how to include all of my nominees, including MY favorite! So vote if you want to, but probably better to just mention your choice in your comments. I welcome your input and even your criticism, but please be nice. Otherwise, I'm going to force you to listen to that whale fart CD with me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I like the point about people voting for someone for the big award but not for their category. But where am I? :p
Also I would vote, but I don't know all the people you had in there. I don't think those canaries are delivering everything we ordered.