SXSW Part 1 - Austin, TX

Sorry, but I don't know what unenviable list you have to find yourself on in order to be considered for state capital. As someone who spent four years at college in Albany, NY, I can attest to the fact that being named the center of your state's government has nothing to do with the overall appeal of your city. To be more frank, Austin is a dump. I can't think of a single compelling reason why any human being would purposely go there during the 11 months when South by Southwest is NOT in session. Old, run down buildings, walking blocks and blocks before you can find something decent to eat and overall dreariness contribute to a rather depressing landscape. Not to mention the fact that, down by the lake or river or whatever it was, there is a sign extolling the virtues of Austin's ginormous bat community. Yes, apparently, under the bridge past which I had just walked prior to discovering this sign, resides a gathering (a flock? a herd?) of approximately 750,000 of your favorite winged rodents. No, I didn't type too many zeroes. That's seven hundred and fifty THOUSAND bats. I don't know if there are even 750,000 PEOPLE in Austin. In any case, it was approaching dusk, and I decided not to stick around for the nightly viewing of the bats emerging from their resting place. Folks, when this is your city's claim to fame, it's time to move. Austin, you clearly have a problem. Sorry.

Rumblings and Ramblings on Music

As anyone who is reading this likely knows, I just spent the better part of five days in Austin, TX at the annual music industry extravaganza known as South by Southwest. This event started in 1987 with 700 registrants for the music festival, and now, with about 12,000 attendees per year, it's regarded as the ultimate networking event in the music business. Given my revitalized aspirations to create, innovate and promote within the world of music, I took it upon myself to dive right in and make a beeline for the craziness.

Since to write one, stream of consciousness bloviation on my experience there would likely result in incoherent blabbering that none of you would want to devote the time to read, I am going to post a series of shorter blog entries over the next couple of weeks. I will post the first right now. More to come...

A-Roid

The steroids disaster in baseball continues. So now Alex Rodriguez has been ratted out and admitted to using "performance-enhancing drugs." I think that's an interesting term. I take Centrum vitamins...you could probably argue that they enhance my body's overall performance. That's one of the inherent problems with this whole witch hunt in MLB. The media has tried to label every player whose name becomes attached to any sort of substance as a steroid user. No one seems to care to make the distinction between someone like Andy Pettitte, who admitted using Human Growth Hormone to accelerate recovery from injury, or someone like Rick Ankiel who claimed he used HGH legally under a doctor's care, and other players who allegedly utilized illegal steroids throughout their careers in order to deliberately give themselves an unfair physical advantage. It also seems that some players' careers have been virtually destroyed by association with PED's, while others have gone inexplicably unscathed.

Another issue marring the entire situation is the blatant incompetence and self-serving nature of the officials involved in the sport. Donald Fehr, Gene Orza and mainly Bud Selig have placed an indelible black eye on the sport of baseball. How these men gained such power, fame and success is beyond the scope of any reasonably sane person's imagination. Then there is Senator George Mitchell, who was tabbed to lead the witch hunt of outing the allegedly guilty players. Not saying he is incompetent, but oh yeah, he was a member of the Boston Red Sox organization when these investigations took place. No conflict of interest there. Of course, you're talking about a sport who allowed a team owner to unofficially ascend to the office of Commissioner (yeah, you again, Selig). Nobody ever explained what qualified Mitchell to conduct these investigations. He's now a special envoy to the Middle East for President Obama. Um, what??

Finally, the biggest issue I have with the entire steroid controversy is that no one has ever been able to sufficiently outline what exactly the policies of MLB stated at the critical junctures in time. Was there anything in the sport's guidelines banning these substances at the times when various players are alleged to have taken them? Some say that certain substances were banned, but there were no punishments in place. The bottom line is: you can't blacklist players for doing something that was not outlawed by the sport during the period of use. Period. I'm not saying these guys are upstanding moral citizens or even nice people. But you can't just decide retroactively that what they were doing warrants being punished and ostracized. Bonds, McGwire, Palmeiro, Rodriguez, Clemens...all belong in the Hall of Fame. If they don't get elected, the history of the supposed "National Pasttime" will be forever tarnished.

The mail must go through...or not

So you've probably heard about the pending request by the U.S. Postal Service to cut Saturday delivery from their schedule in order to stop the financial bleeding they've been experiencing. According to reports, mail volume fell by 9 billion pieces in 2008 as compared to 2007. Those same reports are punctuated by the added reminder that the postage rates will again increase this May.

My suggestion is not to cut back a day on delivery, but to have everyone in the Federal government take an introductory-level course on Economics. There they will learn about this amazing new concept called "supply and demand." The price of a stamp continues to go up every year, while the demand for the USPS services continues to drop precipitously with the proliferation of e-mail, online greeting cards and online billing and banking. I propose we cut the rate back down to $.38 and see what happens. Pure genius.

Another Bizarre Concert Experience

Last summer, I had the privilege of witnessing a hilarious but sad musical fiasco when I went to see the 80's hard rock bands Great White and Warrant. Jani Lane, the past star of VH1's Celebrity Fit Club and several stints in rehab, had reunited with Warrant and promptly celebrated by showing up drunk off his ass...even by 80's hard rock standards. He warbled through the lyrics in humiliating fashion as the band went through their entire set. This of course resulted in a full refund for everyone.

I didn't think that experience could be topped, but tonight's festivities at Santa Fe Station Casino may have done the job. Another chapter out of the book of Jeremy's peculiar musical tastes...I went to see Enuff Z'Nuff. They had a couple semi-hits on MTV back in the day, but never really struck it big. I actually think they have a really impressive catalog of songs considering the lack of attention they received from commercial radio. I have seen them twice before and they put on a great show. This time, their original lead singer, Donnie Vie...another one who has had his tug of war with illicit substances...was back in tow. So I was excited to be able to see him live. The band got off to an auspicious start...sounded good. They played about five songs...the fifth being their first semi-hit, "New Thing." As soon as this song was done, band leader and bassist, Chip Z'Nuff promptly dumped his bass against an amp and headed off stage. A seemingly bewildered (and likely stoned) Vie was like, "Hey Chip...you leavin?" Followed by, "What are you doin man? You leavin? We gotta play Fly High," referring to their "biggest" hit, "Fly High Michelle." Z'Nuff was unfazed by the remarks and disappeared behind the curtain. The drummer followed suit, leaving Vie and the lead guitarist alone on stage.

Vie made the obvious move and picked up the bass. This was surely going to be entertaining. He and the guitarist jumped into what was probably a new tune, as I did not recognize it, sans drummer, and with Vie stumbling somewhat aptly through the bass part. Sounded OK. Then as they attempted to launch into the aforementioned "Fly High Michelle," Vie apparently decided he couldn't hack it on bass any longer, switching instruments with the lone remaining band member.

Suddenly, a random audience member starts waving his hands and shouting, "Hey, do you need a drummer??!!" Apparently, someone beat him to it, as another gentlemen emerged from the crowd, as Vie declared, "OK, Mark knows this one," implying this was an acquaintance of the band or something like that. Mark hopped on stage and took over drumming duties as the opening chords of the apparent show closer emanated from Vie's guitar. The other drumming hopeful still waving his hands, miffed at missing his one shot at "fame." OK, so now two more problems. 1) The "real" drummer had walked off with one of the drumsticks, leaving Mark to beat the skins with the remaining stick and...his other hand (somewhere Rick Allen is laughing his balls off), and 2) The chorus' title lyrical phrase, "Fly High Michelle" is supposed to be sung by the backing vocalist...namely, Chip Z'Nuff. All said, the makeshift band did an OK job. Mark, the newly christened drummer, was having so much fun, that he was swigging from a flask in between drum beats.

While they're muddling through the tune, the wannabe drummer guy from the audience had creeped up the side ramp to the back of the stage and was "helping out" by searching for the missing drum accessory. A crew member finally poked his head from behind the curtain with the stick, handing it to Mark, who happily continued drumming with a full set of equipment. But the little drummer boy from the audience (who was actually a stocky, 40-something guy), remained at the back of the stage the entire time.

After "Michelle" was done, I guess Vie felt it necessary to go out with a bang, suddenly whaling away on the guitar with a familiar riff. He sang the beginning lines of 60's rock staple, "Wild Thing," although who can be sure if he was singing the actual words or just making it up as he went along. About a minute and a half into that opus, they finished up and Vie put the guitar down, flipped his pick into the air and bolted off stage. Mark the drummer also exited, leaving the lead guitarist-cum-bassist as the last one standing. He flicked off the amp and probably ran home screaming to his Mom.

Then, in what under the circumstances, can only be described as a fitting ending to this blistering set, little drummer boy from the audience, STILL waiting hopefully for his break, heaved his middle-aged ass onto the drummer's stool and began ripping away. Shouting to the crowd, "Thank you very much!" and "How about a hand for Enuff Z'Nuff?" as he enjoyed his Playstation moment in the sun for about a minute. As some crew members emerged, he thought better of continuing and disappeared back into the crowd...leaving the rest of us to soak up the shock and awe of another stunning 80's metal opening act.

Only in Vegas, folks.

Priorities

I just heard that the Obama camp has spent $94 million dollars on the upcoming inaugural festivities. To say that was an eye-opening total is an understatement. Is anyone in Washington aware of what's going on in this country right now? I'm sorry...I don't care who's been elected or what party they're from. This is just downright irresponsible. Like I give a shit how many fancy, celebrity-laden parties there are? Can't we trim back just a little bit on all the glitz and glamour in recognition of the fact that many people don't have anywhere to live right now and don't know where their next meal is coming from? The bulk of the money is apparently privately funded, with only the security bill being funded by the taxpayers. This is all well and good, but the fact remains, they could have taken this money and donated it to people who really need it. This doesn't make me extremely confident about how in touch the incoming administration is with the needs of this country.

Today, I Am The Greatest...

...or so Rickey Henderson proclaimed the day he broke Lou Brock's record for career stolen bases. Or something along those lines. Neither modesty nor public speaking are among Henderson's strong points. But one thing is for sure; he is one of the greatest baseball players ever.

Each winter, the baseball writers association votes on which of the greatest past players deserve to be enshrined in the sport's hall of fame. The voting process is questionable to say the least. Each 10-year member of the association is eligible to vote, this year resulting in 539 ballots to be cast. Each ballot can be submitted with up to 10 players included...there is no ranking or weighting. A player must be named on 75% or more of the ballots cast in order to be inducted (so 405 this year). Players are eligible after they have been out of baseball for 5 years. Rickey Henderson flew into the Hall with 94.8% of the vote in his first year of eligibility. Amazing, right? Not when you consider that 28 people did not feel that Henderson was worthy of the honor. Begging the question...what in the name of holy fuck do you have to do to be worthy? Everyone will rattle off RH's incredible stats...most pointing to his ungodly stolen base totals and the fact that he was the greatest leadoff hitter ever. But you really only need to look at one statistic...Rickey Henderson scored the most runs...EVER. Nobody in the nearly 140-year history of major league baseball has ever crossed home plate more times than Rickey Henderson. If THAT person doesn't belong in the Hall of Fame, then you may as well shutter the doors of the facility and auction all the memoribilia off on eBay. I argue that RBI's and Runs are the two most critical offensive stats in the game. Every other number merely represents how a particular player arrived at accumulating their totals in those two categories. Stolen bases are great, but alone do nothing. They simply make it more likely for more runs to be scored. The WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME is to score runs. So the guy who did this the most times in history does not get voted into the Hall of Fame unanimously?

The truth is there has never been a unanimous induction. Quite ridiculous, since we know there have been several players who should have been named on 100% of the ballots. This year's crop of eligible players was the smallest in history...23. And there were probably about 10 players whom you could argue don't deserve a single vote, or even to be on the ballot at all. So that leaves only 3 slots that the writers should have to debate about in their minds. Henderson is not one of them. Whoever voted for Jesse Orosco or Jay Bell should be banished to Siberia.